Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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