You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
