; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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