I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
