i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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