I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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