that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
