It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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