you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
