Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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