Your face is a jimmy john
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
