he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
