What a fucking waste of an outfit
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
