Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.