i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
