Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
