my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
