The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
