I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
