I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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