She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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