You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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