I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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