I think my vagina is haunted
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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