you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
