Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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