Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
