Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
