Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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