ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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