I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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