I have demons in me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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