Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you had me at cake vodka
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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