the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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