why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
