I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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