happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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