Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
