Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
