Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
