Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
