Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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