your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
too bad you live with your parents still
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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