I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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