Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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