I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
