carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
