the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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