Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
