i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
