Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG