You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
