Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat