can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.