Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis