Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs