i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
