i just wanna soil my oats bro
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
