she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
