I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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