either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
