So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
