There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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