Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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