In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
