i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
