I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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