Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
