The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
