Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
