I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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