Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
