they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
