My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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